Spoilers ahead.
Let's start with The Fog. This is a remake of John Carpenter's underrated spectral aquatic leper film of the same name from 1980. I have a soft spot in my heart (or head, some might say) for the original, so I came to the remake with some baggage. What I found not only failed to meet the standards of the original; it failed on all levels of cinematic story-telling. There is literally nothing that worked in The Fog. The effects are laughable, although there should be some kind of award for an effects team that fails to make CGI fog look better than the smoke machines used 30 years ago. The acting is terrible, with everyone apparently as bored with the whole mess as the audience. The story makes no sense. The "rules" for how the ghosts function change as the movie progresses. I assume this was in a misguided attempt to create "memorable" kills. My favorite: the ghosts set up a table on a beach - complete with an ornate dining 19th century dining set - in order to somehow entice a local beach comber to...wrap a rope around his neck...so he can be dragged into the ocean by the ghosts. Really? And the ending is poorly conceived and executed. The heroine - who is, of course, the reincarnation of the wife one of the ghosts - is kissed by her dead husband and becomes a ghost. Huh? How does that work? She doesn't appear to die, she just becomes transparent. The movie is full of moments like this.
Ultimately, I can't fault the actors; the writer, producers and director are the one's responsible for this pathetic attempt to cash in on a far better original. If you want to see a creepy movie about ghosts lurking in a fog bank, check out the original movie. Stay far away from the remake.
Texas Chainsaw is a little better. It is a direct sequel to the 1974 original. The film begins with a quick recap of the events of that film, followed by the massacre of most of Leatherface's family (which gains about half-a-dozen extra members, who looks like roadies for ZZ Top) by a group of rednecks. Leatherface survives, as well as an infant girl. She grows up to be the beautiful Alexandra Daddario who is friends with the stunning Tania Raymonde (both pictured below; you're welcome). There are also some guys around (boyfriend, cannon fodder, etc) but who cares? Anyway, the attractive young people head to Texas when Alexandra's character finds out she has inherited an estate from a grandmother she didn't know she had. In the basement, Leatherface is still alive, having been cared for by grandma. It should be no surprise that Leatherface takes his chainsaw to Alexandra's friends and some of the locals who were responsible for killing his family. Unfortunately, the ending hurts an otherwise okay, if very "by-the-numbers" slasher flick. Alexandra finds out about what happened to her family...and decides she's going to help her cousin, Leatherface. The same Leatherface who is directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of her friends. And the local sheriff is fine with Leatherface killing a bunch of people. I guess we're supposed to believe that Alexandra is...I don't know...insane at this point? Or think that the "bonds" of family trump the murder of people who are supposed to be her close friends? I guess the sheriff sees the deaths of some of the men who were responsible for the massacre decades ago as a form of justice. But that doesn't explain why he's okay with the deaths of other, innocent people. Maybe he's insane as well? Maybe it's something in the water in Texas?
Up until the ending, Texas Chainsaw was neither good nor bad; it was an innocuous pile of cliches and genre tropes wrapped up in a competently shot and acted package. With this ending, it becomes insultingly dumb. Don't reward this terrible storytelling with your eyeballs. Watch the original to see what low-budget, take-no-prisoners filmmaker is all about.
 Alexandra Daddario |  Tania Raymonde...almost enough of a reason to watch this movie. |
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