31 Days of Halloween (Day 28) - End of Days (1999)

In the event of an apocalypse who are you going to call? Arnold Schwarzenegger, of course. Duh...

I'm not sure if the idea of having Satan fight Arnold on the eve of the millennium was a good idea; but it certainly is an entertaining one. And End of Days does entertain.

Arnold plays Jericho Cane, a cliche and stereotype...umm, I mean a former cop who burned out after his wife and child were killed and is now a suicidal mess who works for a private security firm with a wise-cracking sidekick, Bobby Chicago (Kevin Pollak). 3 days before the millennium, Satan possesses the body of a banker (Gabriel Byrne) and goes in search of Christine York (Robin Tunney) who is prophesied to bear the Anti-Christ. Violent wackiness ensues as Arnold tries to stop Satan from getting the girl and ushering in Hell on Earth.

Arnold and Satan discuss puppies and Christmas.

Overall, the movie isn't that good, in a conventional sense. The acting ranges from okay, if under-used (Pollak, Udo Kier as a disciple of Satan and CCH Pounder as a police detective) to the okay, but one-note (Arnold and Byrne) to the painful to watch (Tunney). There are a lot of plot-holes and poorly developed plot points and the story is pretty sketchy (for example, it's not clear why Satan even needs an anti-Christ, since he's able to wander around and cause mayhem on his own without too many problems...except for Arnold shaped problems, of course).

What the movie has going for it is a sense of bizarre fun, a "let's toss in the kitchen sink" approach that makes this a very watchable film. Some highlights:

• Every action scene is well done. Director Peter Hyams knows how to keep movies moving and this one is no exception. In particular, the opener, with Arnold dangling from a helicopter by a cable while running across the rooftops and streets of New York in pursuit of a sniper, is a standout scene.
• Udo Kier plays a Satanist who oozes an urbane evil...at least, until Satan punches his head off. Udo is one of those actors who has screen presence and is always fun to watch.
• Udo's wife and daughter merging into one while having sex with Satan.
• Arnold calling Satan a "choir boy" compared to him.
• The apple of the damned. Just a great image, with what start as maggots on an apple turning into writhing bodies.
• The secret societies at play. Vatican hitmen, ubiquitous Satanists, weird Catholic cults keeping prophesying gypsy women tied up in basements. There is a real effort into creating a sense that there is a longer, deeper war going on.
• The final Satan design (see below) is effective, coming across as more of a Lovecraftian Old One than the standard tails, horn and pitchfork.
  

  The face (and wings) of evil.

• Arnold blowing up Satan with a grenade launcher.
• The "hammer-in-the-face" lack of subtlety of the Christ imagery. Yes, Arnold is crucified. But, he also gets to shoot Satan worshipers with a machine gun. Jesus never did that.

As you can probably gather, this film is a bunch of neat images and scenes mashed up into a big messy ball. It is such a weird horror/big budget action/Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle that it has charm about it that overcomes its basic silliness. Check it out.

Robin Tunney looking hot. No, this is not from the movie...didn't you notice, super-hot?